Paradoxes

Would I be totally out of line if I say that my life is nothing but an intricately weaved paradox, day in and out? Really! All attempted resolutions to any and all problems I might be facing at that time eventually contradict another belief, another resolution, another solution.

Every attempt to alleviate the state of being is, well a paradox in its simplest form. In effect we just contradict our own better sense to end in a situation that might, just might, result in a quick laugh, a heightened feeling of existence.

Similarly every decision I make feels to me like a colossal contradiction to my purpose of being, or whatever the seers thought up most recently.

I mean we've built up this fluid society which induces life in phases. Childhood - where you do without thinking at the expense of some serious damage, and a thrashing from an adult here and there. Student life - where you now start out at the montessary level, and depending upon how much external factors effect you, continue to college / university or no level at all. This is followed by a more ambiguously defined phase called practical life. This is where lives in general differed between men and women in societies like ours, but now that difference is fading, like it did in the West, before disappearing altogether. Mind you, I have nothing against or for this change. It's just inevitable in my books, something that would happen sooner or later.

This phase of life is where the paradox of life goes to its maximum level, where literally every step and breath introduces you to a completely new set of contradictions in their own terms. But we tudge along, learning, delearning, falling, getting up, getting bruised and being run over every now and then. This is where we lose any and all perspective we ever possessed in the relatively pure realms of childhood and student life.

We begin to get driven by an ever consuming hunger to grow and prosper, into what, we really don't know. I mean growing into an entrepreneur is really knowing what you're going into, that's more of being in some state, rather then a state of being. We set goals for ourselves which are examined in every interview we ever give, and well, sad as it is, these goals are usually more meaningless then a rerun of Beavus and Butthead.

The next phase, Post Retirement Life is still quite unclear to me. I've seen quite a few variations in this (perhaps to add to my own confusions). I've seen sage like retirees who're there full of wisdom and truth, who smile these little smiles every time you appear in front of them in pursuit of the latest bout of madness.

And then I've seen people in this phase of life who get so mad that you can't make sense of a thing they say. Or there's the type who becomes so uncertain that they don't even know what they're uncertain about.

Now see where I started from and where I ended up...
tsk...tsk...tsk