The economy is bad. But you already know that, everyone knows that. This is the time you get docile and do all that you can to hang on to the job you have! No time for throwing tantrums at work, or being overly individualistic. Come on, I mean my manager got laid off five months ago and is still looking. So Mr. Nayyar, hang on to your job, and hold tight. Major turbulence expected ahead. And yes the ride is going to be exceedingly bumpy, and no-one should be surprised at surprise landings into the Hudson river, miraculous or not!
So this morning, I am sitting quietly in my cube, after disagreeing with my current manager on almost all his suggestions, and feeling good about myself. And suddenly I get a call on my cell (not my direct line at work, but on my cell) by this gravelly voiced Renee! Now I am a huge fan of Joni, and if she were to talk to me, she would probably sound a lot like Renee. So I am instantly hooked.
"Hello Mr. Nayyar, this is Renee from the Global Account Team"
"Oh, hello, how's it going?"
"Good, thank you. I was calling because we were just sent a request to delete your work and email account."
"Uhh...what?"
"Well we got a request to delete your account as you don't have a manager listed to report to in the system. Are you still on the payroll?"
"Uhh...I don't understand, as far as I know I am on the payroll sitting in my cube, checking and sending email about the work I am doing. And I haven't been informed I am being let go."
"Oh, okay, so it must be a miss-communication. Could you tell me the name of your manager?"
--I tell her the name of my manager--
I am thanked and the phone is put down. Not even mentioning that this little conversation would haunt me like the scariest moments from Exorcist, not the new crappy one, but the old, "haunty" one!
Like any rational person, I run to my manager (via messenger of course) and ask him, in a not too subtle manner, am I being let go? The manager of course gives me the regular reassurances, and it's probably a mistake, because my last manager was let go, and they probably forgot to change the system, and so on and so forth!
Needless to say, I needed about 2 hours to recover from this, and my fickle heart was jolted into this bleak reality of the tumbling economy! I am counting on you Mr. Obama to sort all of our lives, and cure all ills. No pressure though! :)
But yes, if I ever had a conversation with Ms. Mitchell, I am sure she would sound a lot like Ms. Renee. So I shall take comfort in that, and head out of work tonight to enjoy this weekend as a happily employed man! What shall come, will come, and will be handled accordingly.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Communicating...In response
Difficult questions all! Aren't they?
Could you have done anything else? Yes, you could have, we could all have done something else, but then it would have been something else. You know, if not this, then it would have been that, and so on and on, into the vertigo inducing spirals of what ifs.
But this question, "Could I have done something else?", plagues me constantly. There are many decisions I made that I want to take back, but then, with the information at hand, and the (quadruple) standards drilled into us, I guess the decisions I made don't surprise me, just make me a little sad. Perhaps I, too, think of going for it and putting an end to it. But it's always a fleeting notion, always blocked by too many rational questions, like who will find me? Probably my wife. How will she handle it? Will she spit on my dead body? Will she try to emulate me? Will she curse me for being so selfish? What should I be wearing when I go for it? Should I go all natural and go out with nothing but my skin and bodily excrement on me? Should I dress up in my best suit, shave, and then shave into my veins? Should I be wearing my watch and silver ring (which I feel is now just an extension of my hand)? Should I leave a note? And should that note try to solve all the worldly problems? Or should it just say "Thanks for reading and fuck you very much!".
But more to your point. The decisions we make because we're too young, too shackled by our society, too ignorant, and basically too prone to the emotional black-mail which comes to our proud (albeit seriously misguided) nation too naturally! Well I wish you rebelled at that point. I wish you chose the way of the martyr. I cannot but imagine the possibilities emanating from that very choice. We hear a lot of things, like true love never wants anything in return. Well that is total hogwash! True love is the most selfish, self-indulgent emotion we experience. The sacrifice emanates the from fear of failure and the fear of cantering around only our own existence.
Do I think you'd be happier had you made different choices? I seriously doubt that. We are who we are, and if we are (which you are) people who try to think, evaluate, and fathom emotions and feelings...we're always going to be disturbed SOBs. We'll always have regrets, and passions for possibilities, which once realized, would lose their glitter, for we'd be evaluating some other possibilities.
At some stage, I decided to quit smoking pot, and a friend decided to keep on smoking pot. Our lives have turned out quite differently thus far...but does that really matter? We're both still consistently plagued by misery, but in completely different ways.
This Chinese Billionaire recently killed himself because he lost about 5 billion dollars. He still had 8 billion left. So was it rational for him to end it for losing 5 when he still had 8? Well in human terms, yes! And a big yes at that. We don't evaluate our lives in terms of what we have, but on what we've lost and missed out on.
But of all the insanity of the preceding paragraphs, I am convinced about one thing. You are a great human being! Not because you always do the right thing. Not because you always possess the courage to make the tough decisions. And not because you're the Christ of our times, bearing crosses that are not yours to bear. You, my dear friend, are a great human being because you consistently indulge in the most basic of traits that make us human. You question. And you keep on questioning, even if the questions you're asking are impossible, insane, and out right demented!
Love you for that!
Could you have done anything else? Yes, you could have, we could all have done something else, but then it would have been something else. You know, if not this, then it would have been that, and so on and on, into the vertigo inducing spirals of what ifs.
But this question, "Could I have done something else?", plagues me constantly. There are many decisions I made that I want to take back, but then, with the information at hand, and the (quadruple) standards drilled into us, I guess the decisions I made don't surprise me, just make me a little sad. Perhaps I, too, think of going for it and putting an end to it. But it's always a fleeting notion, always blocked by too many rational questions, like who will find me? Probably my wife. How will she handle it? Will she spit on my dead body? Will she try to emulate me? Will she curse me for being so selfish? What should I be wearing when I go for it? Should I go all natural and go out with nothing but my skin and bodily excrement on me? Should I dress up in my best suit, shave, and then shave into my veins? Should I be wearing my watch and silver ring (which I feel is now just an extension of my hand)? Should I leave a note? And should that note try to solve all the worldly problems? Or should it just say "Thanks for reading and fuck you very much!".
But more to your point. The decisions we make because we're too young, too shackled by our society, too ignorant, and basically too prone to the emotional black-mail which comes to our proud (albeit seriously misguided) nation too naturally! Well I wish you rebelled at that point. I wish you chose the way of the martyr. I cannot but imagine the possibilities emanating from that very choice. We hear a lot of things, like true love never wants anything in return. Well that is total hogwash! True love is the most selfish, self-indulgent emotion we experience. The sacrifice emanates the from fear of failure and the fear of cantering around only our own existence.
Do I think you'd be happier had you made different choices? I seriously doubt that. We are who we are, and if we are (which you are) people who try to think, evaluate, and fathom emotions and feelings...we're always going to be disturbed SOBs. We'll always have regrets, and passions for possibilities, which once realized, would lose their glitter, for we'd be evaluating some other possibilities.
At some stage, I decided to quit smoking pot, and a friend decided to keep on smoking pot. Our lives have turned out quite differently thus far...but does that really matter? We're both still consistently plagued by misery, but in completely different ways.
This Chinese Billionaire recently killed himself because he lost about 5 billion dollars. He still had 8 billion left. So was it rational for him to end it for losing 5 when he still had 8? Well in human terms, yes! And a big yes at that. We don't evaluate our lives in terms of what we have, but on what we've lost and missed out on.
But of all the insanity of the preceding paragraphs, I am convinced about one thing. You are a great human being! Not because you always do the right thing. Not because you always possess the courage to make the tough decisions. And not because you're the Christ of our times, bearing crosses that are not yours to bear. You, my dear friend, are a great human being because you consistently indulge in the most basic of traits that make us human. You question. And you keep on questioning, even if the questions you're asking are impossible, insane, and out right demented!
Love you for that!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
