Standing tall at over six feet, clad in a black jeans, and denim shirt, hair in a great state of disarray, a Marlborough lit in his hand...That's how I'll always remember you, Mr. Tahir Saleem, The Marlborough Man...
I would like to call you Sir (but you asked me not to, hence the name Marlborough Man), as you would always be the greatest teacher I ever had, and never do I want any teacher to be better then you...for you deserve this distinction, if anyone ever deserved it! A good teacher teaches you his subject with honesty and dedication, you went beyond that and taught me life. You weren't just a teacher of Physics and Mathematics, but you were the professor of humanity, humility, morality, sanity...
Let it be known to all that this post is dedicated to a person who dedicated his life not only to his loved ones but all those he didn't even know. A person who would get late for work and take all the bullshit in the world, to help a stray dog who got hurt. His everyday was a new definition of sacrifice. Though the ones he loved never were able to love him back. Oh I want to climb up on rooftops and scream...shut everyone up...stop everything...burn it all to the ground. I want at this very moment my existence, and all existence to end, and end in salutation to the end of what was the definition of pure human thought in this era of inhumanity...
I don't even know how you died...why you died. Why does a 30 something man, strong and sturdy, die? I will find out, or find as much as I can...
Oh how I wish I could have made that trip to meet you. A trip I planned so many times, but always delayed it, for how could you go anywhere! But gone you are! And curse myself, I always will for not making it...
I would always treasure that notebook you gave me, with all the little tidbits of wisdom you gathered, and probably wrote yourself.
I would never forget you saying "I was too far out all my life, not waving, but drowning".
I would never forget you singing "Babuji dheeray chalna, pyaar main zAra sambhalna" (Mister, walk slow, in love watch your step), with that knowing expression...O that knowing expression...I can see you now...
I would never forget the omlettes you made for me in butter, whenever I went over to study at your place. Professing that I need all the energy I can get...
How can I ever forget that your door was always open to my stupid bickering, about loves lost, hurdles faced, ambitions lost and found...your smiling face and words and actions of encouragement. Making sure that I was 100% all over again before you let go...
How can I ever forget the day you came over on your new Motorbiike that you loved and cherished! And then how can I forget when you sold it in a instant when your younger brother asked for a car. I can never forget you smiling that knowing smile when I couldn't make sense of your actions...
How can I ever forget us grooving to the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, cigarettes lit, books spread about in complete disarray, completely exhausted after a series of most complex mathematical problems...
I'll smile everytime I think of your explanation of wearing two pairs of socks in the death of the summer. "Yaar dau juraaboan kay beech main cigarette kee dabbee rakhee jaayay to kharaab naheen hotee..." (A pack of cigarettes would always be safe if you place it in-between two pairs of socks)
Remember the time you let go of the girl who was your life for the sake of your brother and father, so that you may be able to support them and fulfil the promise you made to your mother! (I said this is so damn filmy) O so stupid of you!
How can I forget the time you showed me the picture of her kid (married and settled while you yourself were still nowhere)...My heart still breaks to bits as I move back into that moment of 11 years ago, just as it got shattered then...
But then all the time that I spent mesmerised by the person that was you, I remember feeling that you must be from another world, whose root was based on innocence of thought and not on basic childish selfishness, as ours...
But you are gone now...I wish I could accompany you on this new journey...for everything feels lifeless to me since this morning that I got the news that you're dead...
How can you have died and not let me know...How can your death not be the biggest tragedy of this millennium...How can life still function...
How can I write about you and be satisfied that I expressed myself about the loss that I feel! How can I ever comprehensively talk of you the person, the teacher, the guide, the friend...
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Of Lamps, Lamp shades, and Spiderman
Each passing day reaffirms my faith in God's great sense of humor! I would never have considered myself to be the sort of a person who specially goes to the market to buy a lamp, let alone, go into the market and get one made specifically to order! So I guess you can understand my sentiment behind writing this blog dedicated solely to my day yesterday. Cause not only did I get a lamp made to order and played the role of a chief architect in its design, I also got a special Spiderman cake, again made to order.
And all this becomes even stranger when yesterday was a holiday (Iqbal day), and I prefer spending my holidays tucked up in a comfortable couch watching a favorite movie, if not holidaying in some remote area in the northern mountains.
So for all those (lost) souls interested in reading this blog, let me try and clarify my erratic behavior for yesterday. Well the seed for ending up in a shop analyzing the chief principles in play behind lamp design were sowed 8 months ago. 8 months ago, I was officially married, and that too, to a fine arts major. So now I hope it all makes sense, and all thee who read, can also realize my future of finding myself in so many more situations where I would never expect to find myself in! The good thing, however is that these sort of (un)timely adventures can act as an aphrodisiac for life as it happens. On the flip side I can end up to be the man who went up a hill and came down a mountain, whatever that means!
Now over to the Spiderman story. Well that came about thanks to my 5 year old nephew, who wanted a special Spiderman cake on his birthday, so off I went on the Spiderman hunt, and ended up sitting in a bakery going through various kiddy coloring books looking for that perfect Spiderman pose. Well the cake was a big success, but the ride home wasn't as successful. See by the time Spiderman got home, one of his legs were broken, and being Spidey, he had shifted to the very edge of the cake boundary, giving him a squeezed sort of an appearance! And finally the kids weren't as enthusiastic about cutting Spidey up as a birthday gesture.
So yesterday with these two erratic events, and about a 150 km drive around the city split up during the course of the day, ended in the wee hours of the night. And it was after a long time that I went to sleep as soon as I hit the bed.
Next time then...
And all this becomes even stranger when yesterday was a holiday (Iqbal day), and I prefer spending my holidays tucked up in a comfortable couch watching a favorite movie, if not holidaying in some remote area in the northern mountains.
So for all those (lost) souls interested in reading this blog, let me try and clarify my erratic behavior for yesterday. Well the seed for ending up in a shop analyzing the chief principles in play behind lamp design were sowed 8 months ago. 8 months ago, I was officially married, and that too, to a fine arts major. So now I hope it all makes sense, and all thee who read, can also realize my future of finding myself in so many more situations where I would never expect to find myself in! The good thing, however is that these sort of (un)timely adventures can act as an aphrodisiac for life as it happens. On the flip side I can end up to be the man who went up a hill and came down a mountain, whatever that means!
Now over to the Spiderman story. Well that came about thanks to my 5 year old nephew, who wanted a special Spiderman cake on his birthday, so off I went on the Spiderman hunt, and ended up sitting in a bakery going through various kiddy coloring books looking for that perfect Spiderman pose. Well the cake was a big success, but the ride home wasn't as successful. See by the time Spiderman got home, one of his legs were broken, and being Spidey, he had shifted to the very edge of the cake boundary, giving him a squeezed sort of an appearance! And finally the kids weren't as enthusiastic about cutting Spidey up as a birthday gesture.
So yesterday with these two erratic events, and about a 150 km drive around the city split up during the course of the day, ended in the wee hours of the night. And it was after a long time that I went to sleep as soon as I hit the bed.
Next time then...
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Deriving Sense
Somehow it's perceived that as you add years to your real-life experience, you're supposed to develop a better sense of sense. Your awareness barometer is supposed to show a steady increase in value as time goes by. But does this perception really hold any true value? Or is it just like believing in some stereotype and realizing too late what a fool you've made of yourself!
See I've been privileged to be spending a lot of time with our young'uns recently, and their sense of sense amazes me constantly. Sometimes I actually feel that I should sit one of them down (given that they can sit still long enough, amazing reservoirs of energy) and discuss the most complex issues pertaining in my life. It is their instinct to recognize the simplest solution that is remarkable. I guess as we mature and supposedly add more and more convolutions to our brains, this sense to spot the simplest solution (which is almost always the best solution) begins to elude us. As I guess we are in pursuit of solutions of Einstenian proportions.
I was recently watching a serious thriller, where the hero was facing and in turn beating extreme odds when my 4 year old nephew stated, very matter of factly "why doesn't he just stay in his house". And that was it, the best possible solution. Sit back in the comfort of your home, light a cigarette, watch a nice show, and relax in that one comfortable couch...but then, that would have been one dull movie (unless you're a big fan of the crappy reality TV).
I guess as we add years, and hopefully increase our intellect quotient, and develop a far-sighted approach to things, the things right in front of our faces go out of focus, and we end up contemplating the next 80 moves in the game of chess when the game can be won in the very next move...
So much for that, maybe some more at some later stage.
In my other world...Alina begins her mids in two days...Babar plans on a more stable plan for himself...Aijaz keeps fighting the good fight against fatigue and to help the earthquake victims...Naufal gets his visa approved and is on his way to Syracuse...Zeeshan keeps taking those little steps to reach that elusive step where he cuts the ribbon of his new company...Dad recovers from flu...Mom keeps forgetting to take her medicine as if the forgetfulness itself was prescribed by the doctor...And I, well I just keep coping with the new world.
Next time then...
See I've been privileged to be spending a lot of time with our young'uns recently, and their sense of sense amazes me constantly. Sometimes I actually feel that I should sit one of them down (given that they can sit still long enough, amazing reservoirs of energy) and discuss the most complex issues pertaining in my life. It is their instinct to recognize the simplest solution that is remarkable. I guess as we mature and supposedly add more and more convolutions to our brains, this sense to spot the simplest solution (which is almost always the best solution) begins to elude us. As I guess we are in pursuit of solutions of Einstenian proportions.
I was recently watching a serious thriller, where the hero was facing and in turn beating extreme odds when my 4 year old nephew stated, very matter of factly "why doesn't he just stay in his house". And that was it, the best possible solution. Sit back in the comfort of your home, light a cigarette, watch a nice show, and relax in that one comfortable couch...but then, that would have been one dull movie (unless you're a big fan of the crappy reality TV).
I guess as we add years, and hopefully increase our intellect quotient, and develop a far-sighted approach to things, the things right in front of our faces go out of focus, and we end up contemplating the next 80 moves in the game of chess when the game can be won in the very next move...
So much for that, maybe some more at some later stage.
In my other world...Alina begins her mids in two days...Babar plans on a more stable plan for himself...Aijaz keeps fighting the good fight against fatigue and to help the earthquake victims...Naufal gets his visa approved and is on his way to Syracuse...Zeeshan keeps taking those little steps to reach that elusive step where he cuts the ribbon of his new company...Dad recovers from flu...Mom keeps forgetting to take her medicine as if the forgetfulness itself was prescribed by the doctor...And I, well I just keep coping with the new world.
Next time then...
Monday, November 07, 2005
Rocking away with life
Well it's been more then a while really, and quite a bit's happened in this more then a little while. Ramzan came and went, Eid came and went, a new job, but one thing that refuses to leave the inner crevices of the mind for even a few minutes, the mind and life shattering earthquake!
On the morning of the 8th day of November, life was changed forever for many Pakistanis, myself included. When I was rocking across my office on the 4th floor by the earthquake, I never thought beyond the time it would be over. Yet slowly but steadily the news of the devastation started to reach us. Bit by bit, like that Chinese torture where they drop water of your forehead, one drop at a time, until all control over the mind is lost...
It was however heartening to see the Pakistani people lift themselves up to the occasion. To see students, professionals, kids, the elderly all go the extra mile and then some to do whatever they could to assist in whatever way they could. A relief camp was established at my office. Work was suspended for 10 days, goods were collected, money was collected, and detailed plans were made to send the relief to the hard struck areas. Every night 4 trucks loaded with relief goods were dispatched.
I took two trips to Muzaffarabad for disbursement of relief goods. I thought the clips shown on TV were excruciating, but being there, in the stinch of rotting corpses, where roof upon roof was layed out flat on the ground gave a whole new perspective to the word excruciating. Everyone we met had lost something / someone. In that warped reality when someone said "I'm fine" it meant s/he'd only lost 1-2 family members, and were pulling themselves together to help others who'd lost their whole families. I saw women and children with bruised bodies and broken bones, just sitting there, unable to reach any hospital or help otherwise.
But what I felt most strongly over there was an absence of God, it was as if all divine assistence was abolished, and little insignificant people were left to tread the stormy waters on their own.
I can write on and on about this and still not be able to convey what I saw there, and all that I felt there...so...move on.
After two years I spent Ramzan back at home, and that was comfortable. I guess you can never get pampered enough! And Eid was a nice quiet family affair as well. It was my first Eid after being married, so it did feel a bit wierd at times, but the overall effect was quite soothing.
And then I switched my job as well. This time to a place where I feel I can spend the rest of my professional life in peace, working away quietly.
On numerous occasions I felt the urge to get online to blog, but there was always something to stop me from going there. Now I feel sad, because of so many thoughts that are lost, maybe forever...
Let's try and be a bit more regular now.
On the morning of the 8th day of November, life was changed forever for many Pakistanis, myself included. When I was rocking across my office on the 4th floor by the earthquake, I never thought beyond the time it would be over. Yet slowly but steadily the news of the devastation started to reach us. Bit by bit, like that Chinese torture where they drop water of your forehead, one drop at a time, until all control over the mind is lost...
It was however heartening to see the Pakistani people lift themselves up to the occasion. To see students, professionals, kids, the elderly all go the extra mile and then some to do whatever they could to assist in whatever way they could. A relief camp was established at my office. Work was suspended for 10 days, goods were collected, money was collected, and detailed plans were made to send the relief to the hard struck areas. Every night 4 trucks loaded with relief goods were dispatched.
I took two trips to Muzaffarabad for disbursement of relief goods. I thought the clips shown on TV were excruciating, but being there, in the stinch of rotting corpses, where roof upon roof was layed out flat on the ground gave a whole new perspective to the word excruciating. Everyone we met had lost something / someone. In that warped reality when someone said "I'm fine" it meant s/he'd only lost 1-2 family members, and were pulling themselves together to help others who'd lost their whole families. I saw women and children with bruised bodies and broken bones, just sitting there, unable to reach any hospital or help otherwise.
But what I felt most strongly over there was an absence of God, it was as if all divine assistence was abolished, and little insignificant people were left to tread the stormy waters on their own.
I can write on and on about this and still not be able to convey what I saw there, and all that I felt there...so...move on.
After two years I spent Ramzan back at home, and that was comfortable. I guess you can never get pampered enough! And Eid was a nice quiet family affair as well. It was my first Eid after being married, so it did feel a bit wierd at times, but the overall effect was quite soothing.
And then I switched my job as well. This time to a place where I feel I can spend the rest of my professional life in peace, working away quietly.
On numerous occasions I felt the urge to get online to blog, but there was always something to stop me from going there. Now I feel sad, because of so many thoughts that are lost, maybe forever...
Let's try and be a bit more regular now.
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