Fading / Dissolving

I've been meaning to come to blog, an activity that's fast becoming my favorite. But somehow never got around to it. Not that I didn't have time, but because had too many thoughts and didn't know what to do with them. It really is true that the lesser you talk the more you think, and I've been doing that for some time now. Mind you, I do not speak of constructive and "help the humanity" thoughts, but just thoughts, one coming and another fading, while the other dissolving into another becoming a new thought, and then a newer thought.

Am I making sense?

When was the last time I lay down, flat out, on the ground and conjured up shapes out of scattered clouds? I swear I saw a dancing ballerina the other day in the sky, after so long, so so long! When was the last time I admired migrating birds, and marveled at how systematic, determined, and focused they were? I swear I saw a whole flock of them, darting through the skies like a speeding arrow! These days I've been doing all these things, doing all this because I'm not saying much, but thinking a lot. Does it all add up? Ever?

Last weekend I went to the movies with Yousuf and Faryal, and their lovely daughter, whose recently learned to walk (well about 2 months recently). And now when you go out with her, there's no stopping her. She does not want to be carried any more, she just wants to carry her self far far away on her own two little feet. In these last two years I've basically been watching movies every time I go to the cinemas, but this time I went to the movies, where the objective really isn't to watch the movie, but to enjoy the whole charade! Of course Mano went bonkers in the second half of the movie, and from then on, there was a movie going on, on screen, and another (much more interesting and entertaining) movie going on on the seat next to mine. You just couldn't contain the kid! Bless her! I wonder if anything can be more refreshing then the tantrums thrown by kids...I'm sure Yousuf would disagree who missed the ending of the movie because he had to go out of the cinema with the kid!

Last night I got home quite late (after an unsuccessful attempt to resurrect a system from viruses), and was totally drained. Had a hard day at work yesterday, and then the failed virus removal exercise. But instead of walking into my room and hitting the bed immediately, I just walked around, in circles literally. The same roads again and again. And it felt good, just doing the rounds of the streets of my neighborhood like a security guard, making sure that everything's in place.

So Eid's coming up, and I remember mentioning in some previous post that I was looking forward to two things, one new years, and two the Eid. At new year's I was supposed to have a blast, and at Eid I was supposed to get depressed. Well I guess I can still keep the second of the two promises! I'm just thinking what everyone would be up to right now back home! Yep, I have a full picture, and I really want to put it to words right now, I guess it's too difficult to describe. See too many words in every language describing actions, and too few describing feelings, and things that are just felt...

Is there really a state of contentment, where you can just sit back and be satisfied? There always is something to be achieved, some level desired. Words from Babar come to mind right now, "simplify life"! Simple! You're running after too many things, you're thinking about things that you shouldn't really be thinking about. Just simplify it all. But it's not really that simple is it! At least for a bloke like me. If there's some classification between thinkers and achievers, then I'd definitely be a thinker, and not a thinker like Newton, who achieved because he thought, but a thinker like...well like someone like...me I guess. But there's so much I want to do, and I don't mean things like "I want to be CEO of my own company in 5 years", but things like living on a farm, raising cattle, working in a factory, write a book, make a small little movie on that book, sharing all this with someone, and sharing that someone's experiences too, and so much that I can't even think of right now. But it would come back to me.

Whenever I look into my mother's eyes I see so much that she wanted to do, so much that she could have done, she could really have been a wild soul, living life in the moment. But..ahh always a but! I think she made a choice somewhere along the line, she chose, and she lived up to it, and she's still doing just that at full blow. I think that's how it always is "running before time took our dreams away..."! Floyd! You can always refer to Floyd.

But I still want to hang onto my dreams, and live them every time I can sneak them into my life choices. Is that possible? Well there's only one way to find out isn't there.

Live on...keep fading, keep dissolving, keep living!

O and happy birthday Zeeshan!