Here and There...gathering things

For the last two weeks, I've been down the all so familiar tunnel of over working myself. And I still can't see the light at the other end of the tunnel. So I guess the only thing I can do is to resign myself to the fact that I'll be stuck in this state of permanent exhaustion for a while to come. I am here right now, writing on my blog, courtesy of the thing I was working on, going into an infinite state of limbo! And let me just say...stay there...

There've been numerous moments in the days gone by when I really wanted to write something down, but was usually to involved in the work at hand, or too exhausted to sign-in! My only reprieve has been reading the blogs that I like to read (I will try adding a link on my blog, so here's to walking into the unknown).

I've been thinking about many things, of which I can recall some. One night I started thinking about the things that can make a grown man crumble in self-pity and dissolve into a strong current of tears. And I thought of quite a few reasons, and somehow all of the reasons came down to one thing. The loss of something dear to you. And I don't mean "dear to you" like your zippo, but I mean "dear to you" like the air you breathe in.

See the problem is that men in general are on the slower side when compared to women. OK, before all the men in the world pull out a guillotine, give me a moment to clarify. I am not saying slower in terms of doing algebra, or negotiating turns at break neck speed. I'm saying slower in terms of realizing what's important to us. I've seen so many men walk through a passage of life with someone without ever realizing how important that passage or person might be to them. On the other hand I feel that women are blessed with the ability to recognize 'that' what really matters and go the extra mile to appreciate it (which in the case of man-woman relationships often translates into the man running away).

But...getting back to the point, us men, we live through with something that is wonderful and as important to us as the air we breathe in, never appreciating it, and always appreciating a pizza or our favorite couch over the "as important as the air we breathe in" thing! But through my own experiences and of my friends, I have realized that there is a way by which we can be made aware of the glitch in our priority system. And the only way to do that is to take that thing away from us.

Now do you see why "the air we breathe in" is such a perfect example for us, the slower half of the world! Deprive us of air, and we'd know how much we need it. And when this thing, that we need so much without ever realizing, is taken away from us, we fall down, crumbling in self-pity and dissolving in tears. This is something that would make the grown man cry...

And it boils down to loss. Absolute, pure, and concentrated loss...

So here's my petition to the other more efficient half of this world. Please realize this short-coming of ours, and accept us in spite of it. For otherwise we'll be left with nothing but an endless array of potential gone bad, and moments gone by.

In the past couple of weeks I also thought about the things that make me happy, that give me the little pleasures that I guess are the fuel that keep me going. And I made a sort of list in my mind. Now this might sound a bit corny, but hey, I don't give a damn!

The List of things that make me happy in the smallest ways
(Not in order)

1) Early morning dew in the winters. I am speaking of the dew that transforms a simple garden into Superman's fortress of solitude as soon as the sun comes out.

2) Sound of a child giggling. I speak here of the giggle of the baby with no teeth, that's usually accompanied by a frivolous flow of saliva.

3) The heads in front of you in the cinema. OK, try this out as an experiment, next time you go to watch a movie, seat yourself in the back of the theater, and when you're totally into the movie, stop watching it. And just look at the many heads that're popping out of the seats, all focused on the screen. I like to do this and imagine the expression on the face at that very moment.

4) The smell in the kitchen when you're deep frying French fries.

5) The smell in the kitchen when you're baking a cake or something similar.

6) The sound of rain on a tin roof.

7) Lying face-up on the ground, looking up to the skies on a clear night, with no clouds and no moon.

8) An honest moment. I speak of the moment in our lives that comes quite often and then cuts down its recurrence frequency. I speak of the moment when you are totally spell-bound by something, and you lose complete focus for a moment.

I can probably go on with this list, and all I'd need to do would be to remember the last time I just smiled for no reason, and recall the trigger for that smile, and move back from there.

But alas "it" has returned from the (not so) infinite state of limbo, and yes, I drag my self (kicking and screaming) back to work.

O and yes, watch Shopgirl, I liked the film for its simplicity, effect, and Claire Dane's performance.

Later then.