The misery of our times...

It's been days now since India was hit by the train blasts accounting for the end of 200 dreams and all the dreams associated with those 200 dreams. And Lebonan keeps on being hit by bombs, killing civilians going about their lives everyday...

I haven't been normal for many days now, but then I haven't been normal for quite some time now. I spoke to Girish about the attacks the night it happened, and all he had to say was don't think about it, there's nothing we can do. And come to think of it he was absolutely 100% correct, what can we do, or rather what can anyone anywhere do, but move on.

But how can one mould himself to not think about this blatant disregard for life, which if anything increases by the day. In all probability it can only get worse from here and we're running out of people like Mother Teressa, and are breeding maniacs in the line of Hitler.

I hate to say this, but very soon we'd have a date for every month to feel bad about, 9/11, 5/7, 7/11 and so on and so forth. And I am not even talking about all the wars that are being waged which practically are just different forms of genocide!

There is this constant feeling of suffocation with me, and I can't seem to break out of a sort of ttrance that's come over me. My work is suffering, and life seems to be dwelling in a gutter. I feel as phased out of everything as that angel from "Wings of Desire" longing to touch and feel, but unable to do so. However in my case it isn't the inability to touch and feel, but the fear of what you'd actually touch, and how you would eventually feel. At times like this being in a comma like daze is a blessing. But there's always a longing to touch and to feel.

There's no more escape in the movies, books feel artificial, and air is just a fabrication, and don't even get me started on TV! Maybe I'll start running again, yes I should definately do that, run off into a new and unknown direction, leaving all the towns and cities behind me, where all I hear is the sound of my feet falling on all kinds of ground, and all I feel is my lungs working over time to make up for all the cigarettes.

To reach that state where the mind becomes devoid of all thought, and just works to create more resolve...