A new day, some old thoughts...

Now is this impressive, or is this impressive, back to blog on a second consecutive day. How's the day been, well the usual really, some meetings, lots of discussions, some grinding work, and an overdose of black coffee!

You know it's been nearly four years that I've entered what we call a professional life. Workplace, deadlines, colleagues, and a paycheck to sum it all up. Companies have changed, job descriptions revised...but the essence still the same. Wake up at a particular time, clean up, change, head for work, get off at a particular time, head home, change, hang out with friends (mostly just hang out with yourself), watch a movie, read a book, visit someone, go to sleep at a particular time, and then...well wake up the next morning at a particular time. And after a time you even stop feeling that you've lost all feelings, and have just numbed yourself to everything. (Right now the lyrics to "Comfortable Numb" by Floyd are just circling my head...is there anybody out there...).

You grow up, working hard (or atleast pretending that you are working hard), get a class education, rebel and hate your parents guts every now and then, graduate from an institute that manufactures robotic humans who would fit into a particular mode of work, and then wham! You are into the cycle of the working man's plights. And then you can even at times, sit on the sidelines and catch your life pass you by in a blur. Ofcourse going through all the routines that are expected of you, family man, marriage, parent, and always remaining a child, and looking for a mother / father figure who could just teach you to walk again. Or just teach you to tie the shoe laces, how to cross the road. Sometimes this urge to be a toddler just supersedes everything, and you try to go back to the land of Cerelac and cereal. But no matter how powerful your imagination is, you are always jolted back to your current (lack of) existence, and then...well you start circling again.

I remember this monologue from "Before Sunrise" (watch it if you haven't) where Hawke's character just starts on how sick he is of himself. I mean like there's this one person (that's me myself) who's always been with me, on the day I started reading the Quran, the day the finished reading the Quran, the first time I had a crush on someone, the day any thing of any significance ever happened, I was there with me. I am sick of myself, and for once I'd want to go somewhere without myself! Quite a dream huhn! But that was Before Sunrise, and so many sunsets after that, I really don't know. I mean is there a hidden clan of pagans who know what they want, who have everything figured out, and they get together secretly to laugh at jackasses like us, who haven't a clue, but still conform to all conformities! Ofcouse there are those who reject these rules setup by society, we often call these people rejects, or losers, but hey, it's not like they are in very good shape. I mean they aren't really very great people. But who knows...

There's this Auden poem called "The unknown citizen", read it, and you'll know what I'm talking about. As a matter of fact I'll paste it here!

The Unknown Citizen
W. H. Auden

(To JS/07/M/378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Installment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace; when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

It's amazing how you can express this fear that we all have, so beautifully that I can't even begin to critique (wrong spelling right!). But what the f&*k, I mean to what purpose! It's amazing how you can say "what the f&*k" and ride yourself out of any situation, no matter how bad it looks...Some very powerful words there, "what the f&*k", I must say! Hah!

Later then...