Yesterday, as I packed...

If you are made to move quite often, from place to place, one apartment to another, you just get used to it. It just becomes another drill (like those PE class exercises that you know by heart), and you just follow the motions. These clothes in this bag, these items in plastic bags, a bag for shoes, a bag for books, and so on and so forth.

But yesterday as I was going through the same motion (again moving to a different apartment), I opened Pandora's box, or in my case a small plastic bag, with lots of old letters, cards, and some photos. And I thought that since I was so ahead of time, and packing in such a systematic and organized manner, why not take some time out and go through this little bag I carry around the world with me. And I got up again after about two hours, incapable of doing much, in a haze...

There were letters that friends sent me some 6-7 years ago, right after we had all made the big leap from finishing 12th standard to entering universities, all around the globe. Letters stating the thoughts of that age, letters looking for purpose of life, trying to find meanings in what we felt were just meaningless existences! I even found some letters that I had written at that time, but never got to posting them (even the reasons for not posting them were clear in my mind)! Oh and these weren't emails, these were proper letters that you buy stamps for and put in a letter box. I was, well both touched and embarassed, touched by the honesty and rawness of emotion, and embarassed by the consistent use of profanities, words that I guess I wouldn't even think of thinking now! There were some pictures of first loves, some cards sent on various occasions held solemn by us, birthdays, new years, new home, etc etc...

I have been lucky to have not really lost touch with (most) friends that I held dear to me, and they are still there in my life, not with the same intensity, but definately still there in a very meaningful way, or with grown intensity. I could actually see them growing with each card, with each letter, and wondering how wonderfully powerful this life is, and how we become completely different people without even knowing it. I think if I were to run into myself 10 years ago, well I wouldn't really like the person, and at the same time I would be ashamed by that person's honesty and simplicity of thought and action. Amazing how we start with no barrier between thought and action, and eventually build up the great wall in between, the great wall of analyzing pros and cons of a particular action, the great wall of wimpering out of action, scared of the consequences.

As I sifted through these letters I also thought of all the letters that I cannot find, all the cards I misplaced, all the loved ones I lost... Even with all the friends that life retained for me, there were numerous best friends, friends for life, the big pact friends who just got misplaced, like some artifacts you keep on your shelf that just disappear one day.

I closed the bag, packed everything in carefully, carried on with my packing and completed it, smoked about 2-3 cigarettes at a stretch, and went to sleep. And as usual got up at 7.30 in the morning, went through the daily ordeals, and am sitting here, all dressed up for work. But still I am thinking of all those wonderful friends I lost touch with, wondering what they are doing at this very moment, wondering if they still dream the same dreams, or have their dreams changed. Wondering if they, at this very moment, are happy and content with life, or are they sad and lost. Well I wish you all that I lost somehow, are actually happy and satisfied, still as gregarious as you were then, and that when you lie down your slumber is peaceful, and you dream nice dreams. I really don't know if I wish to meet you again, cause I guess it would be too damn painful and sarcastic, being a stranger to a person you knew the ins and outs of! Hah! I guess that is the essence of life.

Now to the people who I haven't really lost touch with. Babar flies for Saudia tomorrow, headed for a new job, a new career, a new and modified existence! I can understand what you must be going through tonight Babar, the excitement, the sadness, the fears, etc etc... You might not admit, but I am sure it's all there. And somehow I also know that it's all going to turn out just fine!

My good friend Aijaz celebrates his first wedding anniversay today! Wow! I guess a day to cherish, a day to make some new resolves and stick by them. A day to decide that this life is wonderful, and we'll just make it better.

Junaid, someone who I somehow always keep on hearing about, and speak to every once in a while, he has his Nikah today, and what a wonderful feeling that is. Nothing can even ever compare to it.

Alina would be finally fully recovering from her cold and flu, and trying to look good for the presentations, assignment deliveries and all the deadlines!

The whole family would be panicking, completing the last moment preperations for the big family wedding (a distant cousin of mine). Packing and un-packing stuff, remembering and forgetting things...

And the rest of them, well I am sure you'd be running hard and bright against life, not letting it overtake you and defeat you...

So a trip down memory lane, and then back to work...WTF!

Have fun!